


common sense (is what everyone else seems to lack)

by rainbowblue13



Series: how did we get here? [17]
Category: Do No Harm (TV), Hamilton - Miranda, In the Heights - Miranda
Genre: Gen, alex continues to be a hot mess, i know next to nothing about politics i apologize, lots of political skeddadles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 08:10:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12128223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowblue13/pseuds/rainbowblue13
Summary: usnavy: i'm sure whatever he did can't be that badrubenMD: I mean, no offense, but you DO have a tendency torubenMD: How should I put thisrubenMD: Exaggerate?rubenMD: Hyperbolize?ahamilhoe: I have never been more slandered by anyone or anything ever in my entire life.Or, Alex is trying to change the government.





	common sense (is what everyone else seems to lack)

**Author's Note:**

> \- hi im not dead somehow  
> \- this one was rlly hard to write??? idk inspiration just was Not Cooperating but then i got an art block and the art block made me finish this lmao  
> \- also this particular piece is pretty shit i apologize. didn't even edit so if u see any glaring format errors or plot holes pls tell me  
> \- warning for joking mentions of vore  
> \- yes you read that right

**usnavy:** buenos dias!!

**ahamilhoe:** i wanna fuckign di e

**usnavy:** porfavor no mueras

**ahamilhoe:** i crave that mmm sweet release of death

**usnavy:** WHY DO YOU ALWAYS WANNA DIE

**ahamilhoe:** idk just gimme death

**rubenMD:** Mood

**usnavy:** what?

**rubenMD:** It just means "same"

**usnavy:** ¡¡¡¡NO!!!!

**ahamilhoe:** wow ruben u weak lol

**rubenMD:** I was literally just agreeing with you

**ahamilhoe:** irrelevant

**rubenMD:** Pfft, whatever

**ahamilhoe:** you are weak and natural selection is coming for you

**rubenMD:** Aaand now you're bringing in science

**usnavy:** aren't you supposed to like, protect the weak one in the pack o algo?

**ahamilhoe:** no, the weak get eaten

**rubenMD:** I can't believe Alex is gonna vore me

**ahamilhoe:** OMIT

**ahamilhoe:** O M I T

**rubenMD:** YOU DID THIS

**ahamilhoe:** I NEVER MEANT FOR IT TO GO THIS FAR

**usnavy:** i'm actually afraid to know what "vore" is

**ahamilhoe:** you should be

**ahamilhoe:** you should be afraid

**rubenMD:** It's better if you don't know

**usnavy:** i'm just gonna

**usnavy:** trust you guys on this one

**ahamilhoe:** good choice

**ahamilhoe:** but back to my original point

**rubenMD:** Craving death?

**ahamilhoe:** precisely

**usnavy:** :(

**rubenMD:** Any particular reason why?

**ahamilhoe:** fucking government

**ahamilhoe:** or actually: fucking gwash

**usnavy:** the president

**rubenMD:** He back from D.C.?

**ahamilhoe:** yeAH AND HES A FUCKI

**ahamilhoe:** actually im not even gonna go down that path

**ahamilhoe:** but im mcfucking pissed

**usnavy:** i'm sure whatever he did can't be that bad

**ahamilhoe:** YA SURE ABT THAT NAVI

**rubenMD:** I mean, no offense, but you DO have a tendency to

**rubenMD:** How should I put this

**rubenMD:** Exaggerate?

**rubenMD:** Hyperbolize?

**usnavy:** ham it up?

**rubenMD:** Is "ham it up" a thing?

**usnavy:** yeah dude, i googled it

**usnavy:** i've been waiting to use it

**ahamilhoe:** I have never been more slandered by anyone or anything ever in my entire life.

**rubenMD:** Wow yeah you're totally right, not dramatic at all man

**ahamilhoe:** YA WANNA KNO WHAT HE DID

**rubenMD:** Please indulge us

**rubenMD:** I'm sure it's absolutely tragic

**rubenMD:** And the worst thing to have occurred to you

**usnavy:** he's actually been typing for a while now

**rubenMD:** C'mon, spill the tea, Alex

**ahamilhoe:** gwash is leaving office

**ahamilhoe:** SEE I FUCKING TOLD U YOU ARE ALL STUNNED INTO SILENCE

**rubenMD:** Y'all

**ahamilhoe:** no

**usnavy:** no me diga!!

**rubenMD:** But anyway, yeah I already knew that so?

**ahamilhoe:** HOW THE FUKC DID YOU KNOW

**rubenMD:** Because he's coming to the end of his second term?

**rubenMD:** So he's gotta

**ahamilhoe:** this is bullshit

**rubenMD:** This is the american constitution, Alex

**ahamilhoe:** fuck it, i'll just change it

**rubenMD:** Alexander, you can't change the constitution

**ahamilhoe:**  FUCKING WATCH ME

* * *

**ahamilhoe:** burr

**ahamilhoe:** buuuuuuurr

**ahamilhoe:** AY AY RON

**itsme_yaboi:** It's 12 am, Alexander

**itsme_yaboi:** Please don't tell me you've come up with another terrible username

**ahamilhoe:** not yet

**ahamilhoe:** BUT BURR I NEED YO HELP IT'S IMPORTANT I SWEAR

**ahamilhoe:** and yes it's "important" important, not "i want you to give me evidence you're not a reptile for my daughter" important

**itsme_yaboi:** Fine, what?

**ahamilhoe:** i need you to help me change the united states constitution

**itsme_yaboi:** No

**ahamilhoe:** HEAR ME OUT

**itsme_yaboi:** No

**ahamilhoe:** GWASH IS ABOUT TO LEAVE OFFICE WE GOTTA STOP HIM

**itsme_yaboi:** We don't "gotta" do anything

**itsme_yaboi:** This is a terrible idea on so many accounts

**ahamilhoe:** we just have to add an amendment for POTUS to be able to stay one third term if the congress and senate vote for it

**itsme_yaboi:** That can be easily exploited

**itsme_yaboi:** What if later there's a president that you hate?

**ahamilhoe:** any prez that isnt gwash im gonna hate you already know this BURR

**itsme_yaboi:** Please let me go back to sleep

**ahamilhoe:** WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH A LITTLE BITCH

**itsme_yaboi:** Goodnight, Alexander

**ahamilhoe:** YOU'RE ALWAYS LIKE THIS

**ahamilhoe:** anytime you have the chance to do something even slightly meaningful you cower out because it could be controversial

**ahamilhoe:** Do you not support his presidency??

**itsme_yaboi:** I support him as much as any American should respect their president

**itsme_yaboi:** And I support the constitution just the same

**itsme_yaboi:** It's gonna be over, just accept it

**itsme_yaboi:** And for the love of all that is holy, let me sleep

**ahamilhoe:** ...

**ahamilhoe:** fine, you wanna play dirty? let's play dirty

**ahamilhoe:** change your username to "cuckfuck"

**itsme_yaboi:** Grow up, Hamilton

**ahamilhoe:** do it

**itsme_yaboi:** Why must you do these things to me

**ahamilhoe:** cause i cAN

 

 

 

_itsme_yaboi has changed their username to "cuckfuck"_

 

 

 

**cuckfuck:**  I can't seem to find a word stronger that "hate" do describe my feelings towards you

**ahamilhoe:** aww you have feelings

**ahamilhoe:** shame you never fuCKING DO ANYTHING WITH THEM YOU STOIC FUCK

**cuckfuck:** I'm just patient, there's a difference

**ahamilhoe:** tomato, tomato

**ahamilhoe:** just realized that doesn't really translate well over text

**ahamilhoe:** ur alseep aren't you

**ahamilhoe:** alright, time for drastic measures

* * *

  _a_ _hamilhoe has changed their username to "A.Ham"_

 

**A.Ham:** Greetings, lego brick

**T.Jeff:** Ah, if it isn't Hamilton

**T.Jeff:** What have I done to deserve this?

**A.Ham:** I unfortunately need your assistance

**T.Jeff:** What makes you think I'll help?

**A.Ham:** It's about Washington

**T.Jeff:** Right, he's finally leaving office

**T.Jeff:** How are you going to manage without your daddy's protection?

**A.Ham:** Please never call the president that Jesus Christ

**A.Ham:** But that does bring up the point I mean to discuss with you

**T.Jeff:** I'm going to stop you right there. I don't care what you offer me, I'm not going to be your guard dog when I'm elected

**A.Ham:** Elected?

**T.Jeff:** As vice president

**A.Ham:** Full offense Jefferson but, what in the everliving fuck are you talking about

**A.Ham:** Who would you even be running with?

**T.Jeff:** Adams

**A.Ham:** Please tell me you mean an Adams that is not John Adams

**T.Jeff:** Why do you even care, Hamilton?

**A.Ham:** He barely even shows up for work and you happen to be content with a man like that serving the highest position in this country?

**T.Jeff:** A means to an end, that's all this is

**A.Ham:** You sound like Burr

**T.Jeff:** I'm confused. If you were unaware of my campaign, what were you planning on asking me?

**A.Ham:** Inconsequential. I have another issue I need to resolve.

* * *

**A.Ham:** Sir

**G.Wash:** What is it, Alexander?

**A.Ham:** Adams and Jefferson are running for the next term

**G.Wash:** I am aware

**G.Wash:** Are you aware it's almost one in the morning

**A.Ham:** How did I not know they were running???

**G.Wash:** Well, I knew you'd find out sooner or later

**G.Wash:** But I wasn't particularly excited by the notion of having to tell you personally

**A.Ham:** ADAMS CAN'T BE FUCKING ELECTED

**G.Wash:** This is precisely why I didn't want to tell you

**G.Wash:** If he is truly a bad candidate, he won't be elected

**A.Ham:** Ohoho i think u fucking UNDERESTIMATE how dumb the voting people can be

**A.Ham:** before u know it theres some fatass idiot in charge of the FUCKING NUKES

**G.Wash:** My term is going to end, there's nothing I can do.

**G.Wash:** And no, you are not changing the constitution. Burr spoke to me.

**A.Ham:** fucking snitch

**G.Wash:** Please promise me you'll try to not cause too much drama if he's elected

**G.Wash:** You have a duty to America regardless of the administration, son

**A.Ham:** yeah dUH im not fucking dumb

**A.Ham:** and im not your son jfc

**A.Ham:** this fucking sucks, all of the candidates are mediocre

**G.Wash:** Please stop slandering them, one of them may end up being the next POTUS and your boss

**A.Ham:** f u c k

**G.Wash:** I have other matters to attend to, mainly sleep, so we'll have to continue this conversation later

**A.Ham:** whatever.

**A.Ham:** okay it's later, are u done with your matters

**G.Wash:** It's been ten minutes, Alexander

**A.Ham:** i know

**A.Ham:** i can hear you sighing from the White House

**G.Wash:** You do realize that I'm still in office for a few more months, right?

**G.Wash:** I'm also surprised by the fact that you took so long to remember this is my last term

**A.Ham:** a: SHUT UP IVE BEEN BUSY

**G.Wash:** With your new friends?

**A.Ham:** If you mean the ones you tried to lamely spy on then yes

**G.Wash:** It was an espionage mission

**A.Ham:** dear god if you were in charge of the CIA we'd be fucked

**A.Ham:** speaking of failing government institutions

**A.Ham:** how come the secret service keeps confusing me with both ruben and usnavi if they have short hair like how fucking dumb are they

**G.Wash:** I addressed this issue and upon some research discovered some of them had an ongoing bet of how long it would take for other politicians to discover it wasn't you

**A.Ham:** IM

**A.Ham:** okay not gonna lie that's kinda fucking hilarious but they almost gave ruben and navi a heart attack

**G.Wash:** I've corrected the issue

**A.Ham:** thank

**G.Wash:** You know, those two seem to be a good influence on you

**A.Ham:** well, theyre pretty cool i guess

**G.Wash:** Funny, I expected a more elaborate response

**A.Ham:** well if i start now im never gonna finish cause they're that great, so im sparing you the time

**A.Ham:** you need to get ur ass in gear and pass some last-minute policies

**A.Ham:** i'll fight the next potus tooth and nail to keep them in place

**A.Ham:** im going to visit soon so we can organize your information and shit

**G.Wash:** Keep an open mind, Hamilton. The next president could  be a great leader. I'm not the only good one.

**A.Ham:** i disagree but also you're like the OG of presidency, so youve set a high bar

**G.Wash:** Thank you Alexander, I appreciate it

**A.Ham:** ur still being weak letting jeffershit run for viceprez tho

**G.Wash:** Nevermind

* * *

**A.Ham:** siiiiiiiigh

**rubenMD:** Did you change the constitution overnight?

**A.Ham:** noooooo

**A.Ham:** gwash is telling me to leave it alone

**usnavy:** porfavor dime que no vas a batear al presidente

**A.Ham:** im not gonna ignore the president

**usnavy:** thank god

**A.Ham:** i dont want to fuck myself over and get fired or something

**rubenMD:** We appreciate your effort

**usnavy:** besides, who'd help Nina around when she gets to DC?

**usnavy:** not that she needs any help but i gotta look out for the people in el barrio

**A.Ham:** YES THE POWER BISEXUAL

**A.Ham:** is she going there soon?

**usnavy:** she has a sort of "orientation" thing happening i think? can't remember the details

**A.Ham:** sweet, im gonna have to visit gwash at dc so i'll try to match it up with that

**usnavy:** hella

**rubenMD:** Did

**rubenMD:** Did you just use the word "hella" unironically

**usnavy:** yes

**rubenMD:** That's amazing oh my god

**usnavy:** :D

**rubenMD:** Also Alex, when does your actual stay in NY end?

**A.Ham:** well, the thing has to be wrapped up before gwash ends his term

**rubenMD:** That's still a few months then

**A.Ham:** yep

**A.Ham:** also can you guys do me a favor

**usnavy:** claro, what is it?

**A.Ham:** dont vote for Adams-Jefferson

**rubenMD:** Wasn't planning on it

**usnavy:** espera

**usnavy:** wait

**usnavy:** W A I T

**usnavy:** ¿¿¿¿¿¿is jefferson running for president??????

**A.Ham:** vice-president

**usnavy:** ALA VERGA

**A.Ham:** mood

**rubenMD:**  Did you not know??

**usnavy:** N O

**rubenMD:** Lmao

**usnavy:** >:0

**A.Ham:** dont worry i found out like eight hours ago

**rubenMD:** Why do I know more politics than the Secretary of Treasury

**A.Ham:** dont call me out like this

**rubenMD:** Oh my god

**usnavy:** do you guys wanna hang out at the bodega with some café?

**A.Ham:** yes please i need caffeine in my body

**rubenMD:** vore the coffee

**A.Ham:** S T O P

**Author's Note:**

> \- this is,,,, not my best lmao  
> \- gwash is on his last months :((( rip  
> \- usnavi is the pure friend that uses emojis too much. he would probably like The Emoji Movie unironically. save him.  
> \- stop ruben from making vore jokes 2k17  
> \- drama is on the horizon but the next installment is more comfort/fluff than anything, stay tuned  
> \- speaking of, it might be a longer time before the next one goes up bc of school and work stuff :/ but the series is not over dudes!  
> \- like comment and sasquatch  
> \- EDIT: thank you to WillowAngel and TheOddTomato for pointing out my dialogue error!


End file.
